I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
