i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize