I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
