If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
