i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
