next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
