So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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