dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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