My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
