i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
