did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
