sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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