I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
porn star boner night. come get it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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