i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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