Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
