I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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