I just pynch a tree in the face
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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