I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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