I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...