Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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