Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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