Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
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I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
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We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.