I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancĂ© called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying