her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
