drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.