just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.