i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
