sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
