Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
