I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
