I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
where are my pants?
in the oven.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
