i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
