I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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