Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
