im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
