she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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