I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
