Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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