You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
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Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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