no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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