Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
