i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
