Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
