Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
