So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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