One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
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This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
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I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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