May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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