the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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