I wanna passion pit in your ass
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
