oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
