Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
