I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
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If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
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Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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