Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
