Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize
