i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
