u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
