She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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