Apparently you make a good broom.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
