You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
