You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
