i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
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Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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