I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
