absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
