don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
