guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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