theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
