it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
