Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
