I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
